Love Your Spouse Like Jesus Would – With a Forgiving Love

February 16, 2016 by Lindsey 1 Comment

Valentine’s Day was last weekend. Though it’s supposed to be a day when we celebrate love, for many of us, it becomes a day of disappointment instead.

For the past couple of weeks, we’ve been talking about how to love one another as Christ loves us. Today, I wanted to share some thoughts on how we can love our spouse like Christ loves us, especially when he might not deserve it.

How to Love Like Jesus with a Forgiving Love:

Jesus loves us with a forgiving love.

There were many times he taught on the importance of forgiveness.

For instance, in Matthew 6:14-15, he said this: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

In Matthew 18:21-22, “Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'”

Passages like these make it clear that Jesus thought forgiveness was incredibly important. But there are two other passages that I think make an even greater impact. These two passages don’t just tell us what Jesus thought about forgiveness; they show us.

Jesus’ Extravagant Forgiveness:

In John 8:3-11, the religious leaders of the day brought before Jesus a woman caught in adultery. Picture this scene with me. She was caught in the act. That means that she might not have had time to put any of her clothes back on before they dragged her out of the house. Maybe they let her grab a sheet to cover herself up…maybe.

I’m sure she was humiliated and ashamed. She might have held her eyes on the ground, unwilling to make eye contact with Jesus.

Jesus’ response to this woman wasn’t what anyone expected.

He didn’t condemn her, judge her, or shame her. Instead, he loved her.

Here’s what he said in verses 10 and 11: “‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ ‘No one, sir,’ she said. ‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus declared. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.'”

Jesus loved this woman with a forgiving love. He forgave her when she deserved judgment. He loved her with she didn’t deserve it.

In Luke 23:33-34, when Jesus was hanging on the cross, he showed another example of forgiving love.

“When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'”

Jesus forgave the very people who put him to death-as he was dying!

That’s the kind of forgiving love He wants us to show our spouses.

Our spouses are going to let us down. They are going to disappoint us. They are going to do things that make us think they don’t deserve forgiveness. And sometimes, maybe they don’t.

But the truth is, we don’t deserve forgiveness from Jesus either and he gives it anyway.

Jesus doesn’t forgive us because we deserve it; He forgives us because He loves us.

We forgive our spouses for the same reason…because we love them.

So if your Valentine’s Day left you feeling let down and discouraged, choose to forgive today. Not because your spouse necessarily deserves your forgiveness, but because you want to love like Jesus did.

Love your spouse like Jesus would-with a forgiving love #LoveOneAnother via @LindseyMBell

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Jesus doesn’t forgive us because we deserve it; He forgives us because He loves us. #LoveOneAnother

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Corrie ten Boom: A Story of Forgiveness, Grace, and Hope

January 22, 2015 by Caroline 5 Comments

Some stories just can’t be understood.

Not in our time with our minds at least.

Take Corrie ten Boom’s story, for example.

When You Can’t Make Sense of a Story

Corrie ten Boom: A Story of hope, forgiveness, and grace — Photo Source

Growing up as Christians in Holland, Corrie’s family decided to help their Jewish neighbors when World War II started and discrimination against Jews grew stronger and stronger. They hid people in a secret room in their house until they could obtain safe passage out of the range of danger.

But, this decision wasn’t without cost. Corrie and her family were captured and sent to concentration camps for those who weren’t Jews, but aided Jews.

Separated from the rest of her family, Corrie managed to stay with her older sister, Betsie, for much of their imprisonment. The atrocities they witnessed and experienced cannot be explained.

Who would take prisoners of a group of innocent people merely because of their affiliation?

Who would beat someone senseless because they looked the wrong direction?

Why would thousands of thousands of people be mercilessly killed?

Why did Corrie finally be set free on account of a clerical “error” when, a week later, all women her age in the camp were murdered?

Corrie couldn’t understand the prisonsers’ stories, the concentration camp soldiers’ stories, or her own story.

How? Who? Why?

But that’s also the way it is with grace.

“If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God you’ll be at rest.” – Corrie ten Boom

Amazing and Incomprehensible Grace

Corrie ten Boom tells her story in [amazon_link id=”0553256696″ target=”_blank” ]The Hiding Place[/amazon_link], a book I highly recommend anyone reading. She doesn’t hide her own shortcomings and doubts, but instead reveals all the emotions they all felt throughout this journey.

But, with her sister’s faithful help, Corrie kept capturing glimpses of grace and kept returning to hope.

Through solitary confinement.

Through losing her father.

Through beatings, illnesses, and witnessing even worse.

Corrie and her sister maintained that God remained. His grace still existed, and His hand was still present.

“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” – Corrie ten Boom

But they couldn’t really understand that. How does God’s grace remain in such a wretched place? We know it’s love, but who can really understand love, either?

But that’s part of the beauty of grace. We cannot understand it. We do not deserve it. And yet it is a gift.

“There is no pit so deep, that God’s love is not deeper still.” – Corrie ten Boom

Accepting Grace and Holding Hope

Every time I read a quote from Corrie ten Boom or hear a bit of her story again, I’m reminded to receive and give grace and to hold on to hope.

Those two gifts are more powerful, more filling, and more available than any other.

“Love is larger than the walls which shut it in.” – Corrie ten Boom

What is one of your own stories of hope, forgiveness, and grace? Share in the comments below.

There’s much more to Corrie ten Boom’s story, before, during, and after the war. Read [amazon_link id=”0553256696″ target=”_blank” ]The Hiding Place[/amazon_link], research online (including here and here), and read her other books and devotionals.

Some stories just can’t be understood. Read more about Corrie ten Boom’s story and how she learned:

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A story of accepting grace, learning to forgive, and holding on to hope. #GodlyWomen

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His Steadfast Love Endures Forever (Psalm 118:2-7)

November 7, 2014 by Patti Brown 3 Comments

My eight year old son has been reading his bible, a chapter a day. He started in Genesis and is steadily making his way to Revelation.

The other day we were sitting on the couch reading quietly, when he turned to me from his chapter in the Old Testament and said, “I don’t understand why God put up with it. They kept doing the things He said not to, and He kept forgiving them.”

I too have wondered. How could God be so patient… so forgiving… so merciful? And not just forgiving of small mistakes. No… patient with those who were willfully disobedient. Merciful to people selfishly seeking their own gain.

Kind of like us.

Even more amazing? His steadfast love lasts forever.

Let Israel say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”
Let the house of Aaron say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”
Let those who fear the Lord say,
“His steadfast love endures forever.”

Out of my distress I called on the Lord;
the Lord answered me and set me free.
The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.

Psalm 118:2-7

This is the covenant love that brought Jesus to earth. This is the everlasting love that made a way for us to enter into an eternity of fellowship with God.

It is difficult for us to grasp this kind of love. My son’s response is more intuitive, isn’t it? People do bad things, they get punished.

Forgiveness is not natural, it is supernatural.

I’ll confess, there are days even now when I lose my head a little, when I forget that our heavenly Father’s love is steadfast and endures forever. Instead I wonder when He is going to punish me for my most recent selfish choice.

Yet I only have to look a little farther along in Psalm 118 to be reminded:

I can call on the Lord any time (v. 5)
He will answer me! (v. 5)
He sets me free (v. 5) Glory alleluia!
He is on my side (v. 6)
I do not need to fear (v. 6)
Man can do nothing to me (v. 6) that will separate me from His love
The Lord helps me (v. 7)

God knows we will be afraid. He knows we need help. He does not leave us in bondage, slaves to our fears and sin.

Are you feeling bound, all tied up in knots today? Do you find yourself at the mercy of your guilt, and afraid of God’s righteous anger?

Remember this, dear believer:

The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. Psalm 103:8

You are His child. (Galatians 3:26) Your Father “redeems your life from the pit… crowns you with steadfast love and mercy.” (Psalm 103:4)

Do you think that you can’t be loved by God? It is hard to grasp, but there is nothing you can do to end His love for you.

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

You can choose to walk in disobedience. You can choose to reject His love. But He is not going to give up on you.

Every moment of every day you have the chance for a new beginning. Turn to the Lord right now and He will set you free! (Psalm 104:5)

Beloved, forever is a long time. And that is how long God will love you.

Forgiveness is not natural, it is supernatural.

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God is not going to give up on you. His steadfast love endures forever!

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Understanding God’s Ways

March 18, 2014 by Julie 4 Comments

I don’t understand the pattern Lisa talked about last week, but I’m so grateful for it, just the same. “We need; God provides. That’s the gospel.” I want that, even if I can’t grasp it all.

Understanding God’s Ways

How could the holy God doze away barriers to make way for ever-fallen, failing me?
How could the One who delights to give rain down grace on ever-receiving me?
How could the Father give the Son for the orphans who didn’t love back … yet?

How?

To demonstrate His intimate knowledge of us, God anticipated our bewilderment. He tenderly sheds light on our confusion in the verses following the crazy declaration that if we seek Him, “He will abundantly pardon.” ( from Isaiah 55:7) Not just adequately forgiven, but abundantly forgiven. The only right response is to worship Him.

How?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

His thoughts are His purposes, His plans, and His intentions. And His thoughts are so unlike ours. I wouldn’t pardon abundantly, but that’s His plan.
His ways are His path, His direction, His journey, and His manner. And His manner is so unlike ours. I wouldn’t invite opposers to seek me out, but that’s His manner.

Our ways and our thoughts are so different from God’s that we can compare the contrast to the distance of heaven to earth. There are many ways to define how far space is from earth, but the International Space Station orbits at 400 km from earth; a constant boost is necessary since it is constantly “scraping” the atmosphere of the world. From earth to heaven is higher than high. But “higher” here exceeds an earthly sense of distance. Instead, it refers to lofty in deserving exaltation.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

There will be a day when God reveals how He could extend His abundant pardon to us. For now, His lofty plans and His higher manner is to be exalted above my small understanding. I don’t understand His great mercy that invites those far off to “Seek the Lord while He may be found,” but I’m so glad He invites. You?

Fenced In? Theology of Forgiveness

April 4, 2012 by Teri Lynne Underwood 1 Comment

Some parts of Scripture leave me feeling fenced in, unable to maneuver, incapable of escape. Passages concerning forgiveness are among these “cause me to hyperventilate” Scriptures. Forgiveness is hard stuff. The idea that receiving forgiveness from God is connected to extending forgiveness to others, well, that fence seems too high to scale most of the time.

For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Matthew 6:14-15

Why did Jesus say our forgiveness by God is predicated on our willingness to forgive others? Did He really mean that God will not forgive us if we don’t forgive those who wrong us? Or maybe He was pointing to a deeper, heart truth: We fail to grasp the depth of forgiveness received until we extend great forgiveness to others.

Jackie Kendall speaks to the reality of our identity as both forgiven and forgiver:

(W)e have the grace-given capacity to forgive. It is imperative to recall this as well: not only are we offended, but we all offend.

Free Yourself to Love: the Liberating Power of Forgiveness, p. 21, emphasis in original

Jesus offered the well-known “seventy times seven” call to forgiveness after a parable about a servant forgiven a great debt and yet unwilling to then forgive the much-lesser debt of another. We are called to identify ourselves with this greatly-forgiven and realize the debt we owe our King is infinitely beyond our ability to repay … and thus we have no just cause to withhold forgiveness from another.

That all sounds good in theory, right? But sometimes people deeply wound us, so deeply there is no restoration possible or restitution to make amends. How do we forgive then? WHY do we forgive then?

How? We make a choice. We determine to be obedient and walk in the grace we have been given.

How? We make the choice over and over. This is where the seventy times seven comes in. We continue to choose forgiveness even when we don’t want to and don’t feel like it. We make the decision to extend mercy even when we’d rather, as my husband says, hoard grace.

The “How?” we generally understand. It’s the “Why?” that leaves us baffled.

Why offer forgiveness? Why does it matter?

Why? Because we need to forgive in order to experience healing.

From another of my favorite books, Kitchen Table Counseling, by Muriel L. Cook and Shelly Cook Volkhardt:

I’ve learned that a lack of forgiveness is the root of most problems. In almost every problem situation, after peeling off the layers of grief or distress, I find a wounded spirit or unresolved resentment. (40).

Forgiving is what heals us. We get that mixed up, don’t we? We convince ourselves that it’s the apology that leads to our healing. But it’s not. It’s forgiving – even without the apology – that changes and restores our hearts. Yes, we like the apology but we must learn that it is not vital to our wholeness. But forgiveness is.

It is in forgiving, with or without the other party’s apology or desire for healing, that we experience the freedom of living in God’s plan for His children. Again from Kitchen Table Counseling:

What appears to be a condition on His forgiveness is actually a demonstration of His love … God’s commandment to us to forgive was not given out of the meanness of His heart, nor was it meant to make life hard for us. Its purpose is to set us free. (40-45)

Forgiveness isn’t a fence holding us in … it’s a gate opening to the abundant life God has for us. Through forgiving we imitate Christ. Through forgiving, we find healing. Through forgiving, we find freedom.

Have you ever felt fenced in by the command to forgive? How have you learned to extend forgiveness?

Welcome Forgiveness

October 22, 2010 by Julie 11 Comments

We were ministry leaders when our staff supervisor changed our structure. For no special reason, I was told first and asked to explain to Debbie*. She had been in our ministry longer than I had, and she was older than I was. Debbie listened quietly, but I could see her heart was not quiet.

In the next weeks, her quiet became deafening to me; I knew she was offended. At our meeting with our supervisor, Debbie’s husband came to help her work through the injury. The staff member tried to explain what happened, making it known the change did not come from me, but the damage was already done. Life in the church can be painful. When “Body parts” are moving, we can inflict damage on each other. I confessed my inadequate sensitivity; I asked for forgiveness. It was denied. I felt sick.

For months it weighed heavily on my heart. My Christian sister withdrew from ministry. I noticed she stopped coming to church. Her husband looked sad. I felt responsible.

God was moving in my own family during these months, until He took us to Asia as full-time missionaries. I knew I was leaving behind a damaged sister in Christ, and I felt helpless. I prayed. I hoped. And ultimately I packed up my stuff and my concern, and I left. I never stopped praying God would work in the heart of my sister in Christ. Sadly, much pain in the Body of Christ comes from other Body members. Though the Spirit lives in us, we often default to our flesh, and that causes pain.

Several years later God brought us back to our church for a time of transition. During those few months, I noticed the absence of my one time ministry co-laborer. I remembered how 2 women who once served alongside each other (Phil. 4:2-3) experienced conflict in church life. It didn’t seem right. I knew it didn’t honor God or His name. Perhaps that’s why Paul urged them to get along and “stand firm.” I knew what God wanted. It required crucifying my pride and taking up my cross (Luke 9:23).

Years had passed. I picked up the phone and called Debbie. At her door, I told her I knew I had hurt her years before, doing damage that drew her away from the Lord. I told her I knew she hadn’t been ready to accept my apology before, but I wanted to ask again for her forgiveness, so she and I could be free. I waited. I prayed. I braced myself.

She threw her arms around me and hugged me, tearfully telling me she had wished she had forgiven me and offered her apologies. She wanted to be free of the burden, but knew she had rejected me. She wondered if she would ever get another chance. The Lord made sure she did.

When I left I felt the joy of being forgiven, the joy of reconciliation, and the joy of knowing a stain on the Body of Christ had been wiped clean. I love His name, and I don’t want anything I do to injure it.

Have you been hurt? Have you hurt? Has it been years? Maybe it’s time to go prayerfully knock on that door and be set free!

*Name changed