Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And covered with a perfect shell
Such a charming, beautiful exterior
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect posture, but you’re barely scraping by
But you’re barely scraping byBuried deep as you can dig inside yourself
And hidden in the public eye
Such a stellar monument to loneliness
Laced with brilliant smiles and shining eyes
Perfect make-up, but you’re barely scraping by
But you’re barely scraping by…The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most —Dashboard Confessional
These lyrics have resonated with me for years. I often try to put on this perfect shell—the appearance that all is great.
Don’t we all long to look a certain way, even if our emotions don’t match the way we perceive?
Even if we’re barely scraping by?
I am weary with my moaning;
every night I flood my bed with tears;
I drench my couch with my weeping.
(Psalm 6:6 ESV)For my soul is full of troubles… (Psalm 88:3 ESV)
My heart is struck down like grass and has withered… (Psalm 102:4 ESV)
Weary from weeping.
Forsaken.
Full of troubles.
Struck down.
The Psalms are full of raw, honest—sometimes scary—emotion.
What is it about us that we like to hide our true feelings? Wear the spiritual makeup; put on a pretty front.
What are we afraid of?
What am I afraid of?
Through the example of the psalmists, we are given quite a different model to follow, when it comes to how we handle our emotions, especially in how we approach God.
Well this is one time, well this is one time
That you can’t fake it hard enough to please everyone
Or anyone at all…or anyone at all
And the grave that you refuse to leave
The refuge that you’ve built to flee,
The places that you’ve come to fear the most,
Is the place that you have come to fear the most.The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most —Dashboard Confessional
When we bury our emotions, we deny who we are, and the need we have for a Savior.
Why do we bury our feelings when we are already known?
He knows the deepest secrets and the darkest emotions—and He loves anyway.
So, instead of burying, ignoring, and faking it, let us open up, fess up, and run; crying out to the One who longs to soothe, heal, and forgive.
Let’s run to Him.
I love the Lord, because he has heard
my voice and my pleas for mercy.
Because he inclined his ear to me,
therefore I will call on him as long as I live(Psalm 116:1-2 ESV)
Are you barely scraping by? Do you have spiritual makeup on? What (or who) are you hiding your emotions from? What keeps you from running to Him?
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We start up the Run to Him study on Monday. We’ll be studying a collection of Psalms over the next 13 weeks. We would love for you to join us! Click here to download the free printable Bible Study of the Psalms, and join us back here each Friday afternoon for a commentary on the Psalm we have studied all week.
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I couldn’t hide my emotions last Wednesday night at church. A ministry I participate in seemed to be drifting a bit, having lost one of the original purposes we started with. So after talking with one of the brothers about it, he encouraged me to talk to the others in the group.
But I couldn’t do it without tears in my eyes. While I didn’t feel shame because of that, I didn’t feel as “in control” as I wanted to be. So in times like that, I feel like my emotions betray me and I wish they weren’t so intense.
Not sure that answers any of your questions, Katie! ha. The bottom line is I want to trust Jesus not only with my emotions but also with the expression of my emotions. If that means crying in front of others…or not…so be it. I want to honor him either way.
Looking forward to this study.
It is so hard to deal with conflict, especially when emotions are high. But, I think the Lord uses our emotions sometimes, to lead us to His will. It is hard to discern, as our emotions can also be deceptive.
Hope the meeting went well, and the Lord used your obedience to steer the team back to it’s purpose!
Thanks, Katie. The meeting ended up being very encouraging and opened the door to further conversations about refining our purpose. God is good!
Katie, so excited about studying through the Psalms! Thanks for doing this.
Me, too! Excited to see all God has in store!
You have described me almost perfectly. I feel like the person barely scraping by, I hide my feelings from everyone, even those I hold most dear. I think I need to always be the strong one and never show my weakness. Thank you for your encouragement here.
You are welcome, Dana!
It is so hard to be able to admit our weakness. Praying you can find a safe place to share your feelings, but especially that you can run to Him with your heart. Journalling really helps me. I just lay it all out there!
Thankful that He knows, even when I feel unable to get it all out.
Oh yes, I can relate to this. I have an anxiety disorder (obsessive-compulsive disorder) that has caused severe depression and panic attacks. I’ve had to hide so much because there is a lot of stigma, especially about OCD and that a lot of people simply don’t understand and offer well-meaning but misinformed advice, such as “pray more” or “trust God more”. I know this is how the Good Lord made me, but I still fear “letting go” and allowing Him to take care of me through my family, my doctors, and my spiritual adviser.
Good questions that I’ll be taking to my prayer time today. Thank you, and thank you for this study!
You are welcome.
I have struggled a bit with depression, but have only in the last year realized it. It has been a scary road, to use the “d-word.” I have worried what others would think, and say. Wondered if people would think me less spiritual, that I can’t be “satisfied in Him.”
He has been faithful to provide some good friends, and a wonderful husband to encourage me toward a healthier place—with no condemnation.
Glad you will be joining in the study!
Mmmmm … as I read this today, I’m hearing a good description of some of my thoughts this week. As a leader, it can be hard to find the “safe places” to share my heavy times and my heartaches. I found myself so relieved to know that I can run to Him at any time and let Him hear the “real deal” of my heart, unedited. Looking forward to this study that exposes the “real stuff” of the heart.
It is a hard balance to find, or being real with others, but knowing that not everyone needs to hear everything. I, too, am thankful that I don’t need to “edit” my feelings, when crying out to Him. So thankful He hears.
I remember when, ten years ago, you walked into Bible Study with a stereo in one hand and a box of Kleenex in the other – you played this song for us and then handed out the tissues as us ladies started bawling. That album certainly had a way of bringing out the drama in all of us – good and bad! :)
Crazy that it has been that long ago! So many great memories, there in the “Sugar Shack.”
Interesting, that I feel as if I struggle with this just as much, if not more, than I did 10 years ago…
Thankful for grace.
Love you!
So encouraging Katie! It’s pride that keeps me from running to Him. I want to appear to have it all together, even before God. When I think about His love and grace, my pride falls and it’s so much easier to turn to Him. Thank you for the reminder today!
Pride. Yes, I struggle with that, as well. I think I can figure it out on my own.
Thanks, Sandra!
I’m looking forward to doing this study. I am doing it with friends this time around, and most of them will also be doing the study too. I haven’t exactly been running away from Him, and I also haven’t been running to Him, and I know I need to.
Sounds like fun!! I hope you guys love it! Excited for all He has in store for us!
I find I often bury my emotion and ignore that need for Him when I am gripping for control. And then there’s times like my family is recently enduring where I see how utterly little control I truly have. And yet in this time, I’ve felt almost stronger… like I could handle what was coming our way (as drastic as it has been and still may yet be). But this time, I know this strength is not at all because of me, but instead because of Him. And perhaps I’m beginning to *really* realize this because our current situation deprives me so wholly of that control I reach for.
I agree with others in the comments, too. Pride blocks the path to Him. Fear gets in the way even more. I’m afraid of making terrible mistakes and failing Him.
All I want is to Run to Him. Thanks for this great post, Katie.
Control is definitely a hindrance for me, too.
I have a post coming up at ITA, that is all about this, and my realization that my weakness is actually my strength. Instead of praying/wishing for strength, and for my weakness and failures to go away my hope and prayer should be for Him to be my strength, regardless.
‘wearing spiritual make-up…putting on a pretty front’. Wow. That made me think…I’ve heard people criticize those who wear too much physical make-up, but we never seem to mind the ‘fake’ faces we put on spiritually. What a thought. Thanks for this…
You are welcome, Susan! It is all, essentially, a game of pretend, when we put the makeup on. I know when I do it, it is because I long for others to think of me a certain way, and it crosses over to the way I relate to God.
Excited you are joining in the study!
yes, I too have been barely scraping by but look forward to the study, thank you!
I love how music speaks into our hearts. I’m so looking forward to going through this study with everyone doing the MYM challenge!
Had to hear the song. Found it on YouTube (here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y96lERZa-mk)
You should link it up on Tune In Tuesdays! ;-)
Fun! It is a great song. I used to be a big Dashboard fan…I guess I still am!
Looking forward to the study, as well! Thanks, Colleen!
Looking forward to beginning this study in Psalms and what it has to teach me about myself and living the life God has for me. I pray that what I learn will not be just a 10 minute thing in the morning; that it will stay with me and I will grow in my relationship to God. That is my prayer for all of us. Thank you so much for this study.
You are welcome, Marion! I am looking forward to it as well. Praying the same—that His Word will affect our days as we trust Him with our mornings!
I’m just giddy to start studying the Psalms. I need this right now…don’t know if it’s just pregnancy but I have soooo many emotions. I feel so many things that are contradictory to the truth I know. Keeping my feelings in line with my faith is a challenge.
I love the “Run to Him” title. So often when I feel emotions I run to others or complain to my husband. I really can’t expect comfort from anyone in the way that He can provide comfort. “Go to the throne, not the phone”…right? Thanks Katie (and lara!)
Haha, that’s funny! It is hard to run to God with my emotions, because I usually feel that I need to “talk it out.” Journalling helps tremendously. Sometimes I will just furiously scribble down every word I can think of that comes to mind of how I feel.
Thankful He knows, better than I do, my heart and how I feel.
I am so ready to dig into this study. I have been on this journey of being more open and I feel this will pry that door even wider. Thank you!
Good Morning Katie!
I just finished day one of Run to Him. I am doing the MYM challange and originally said to myself, “oh, I’ll just continue what I’m reading in the Bible… I don’t want to overload myself right now.” Then when I woke up this morning something was pulling at my heart to sit down and do this study. What an amazing choice that was. I’m excited to dig deeper and to follow along with you! Have a wonderful morning!! :]
Becky
Yay! Thanks, Becky! The study is designed to be one that you can do quickly, if you only had a few minutes—but can also dig deeper if you have more time. So, doing it alongside a reading plan is pretty doable, depending on how much time you have available.
So glad you are enjoying the Study!
I feel like I just came up for a air after holding my breath under water. As a pastor’s wife and former missionary I often feel I *have* to put on the smiles for Sunday or else everyone will assume the worst of my husband. Sometimes I do just want to cry on a Sunday morning, but with a small church plant the trust has not yet been built amongst our congregation. I know the time will come where I’ll look back and smile at these lonely days, but for now I am treasuring the intimacy I have with my Lord. Thank you for this post! I am already extremely encouraged by this study and the Hello Morning Challenge.
Jennie
Oh, Jennie, I know the struggle. One part of my story: I’ve been battling depression for a while now, and in the last 6 months or so I have been a bit more open about it. I didn’t really realize what it was, but once we started seeing the severity of it, and “it” had a name, I started just mentioning it, when it was appropriate to the discussion. For example, when someone asked me to do something, I would tell them “I would talk to Chris about it, but I’ve been struggling with depression, and are feeling that I need to back off from a few things right now.” Little by little, I’ve shared it in passing and what I have found is most people have said they are or have struggled with it to, or that they have been on medication now for years. I have been very surprised by the responses of most. Now, I don’t where a badge that says it, but as the Lord has led, I have mentioned my struggle, and have not been shunned.
I think as pastor’s wives, as scary as it is, we have to set the tone for authenticity. People are drawn to it. I guarantee you there are dozens of women who feel exactly the way you do, lonely. But, the probably assume YOU are the one who has it all together! (Don’t you know, the pastor’s wives are perfect!)
This may not be the season for you to be this open, but I encourage you to be as authentic as you can. I think you’ll see that others will flock to you, and are actually relieved to know that you feel the same way they do!
Praying for peace…
I think for me, putting on spiritual makeup is definitely a problem. I have been going to the same church since I was born, and now have two babes of my own. It seems like everyone expects you to be a certain way, and you can’t really be yourself, laying your sin out there. Unfortunate to say that I am so uncomfortable in a place that should feel safe for me, but maybe that is the problem! I have known these people since I was a baby, so I am still trying to live up to their expectations. I think that looking to God is definitely needed more. And less judgement overall by the Christian community would be a good thing as well :-)
Expectations are a hard thing to face, especially if they are unrealistic!
Praying the Lord gives you wisdom to find the Freedom to be your “imperfect” self, and that the others will find freedom to admit their weaknesses as well.
Thanks, Katie. I also have had those seasons where I’ve looked back and realized I was struggling with feelings of depression. My first year overseas was a very difficult one, but we were in a wonderful church and the culture of the country we were in was very blunt, making it rather easy to dive in to those heart felt conversations. Why is it so shunned in our American church culture? The Psalmist clearly had low times and we all have access to those accounts, yet for reasons that do not completely make sense to me, we have placed a burden upon ourselves by not exposing those difficulties to one another. Of course there is a need for discretion and we don’t need to go shouting out all our problems from the roof-tops. As I’ve learned in the past, and for sure will re-learn again, this is simply a time where the Lord is revealing just how much more I need to cling to Him. Thanks again for your prayers for peace and for sharing your lessons!
Thankyou for expressing what I thought may only be felt by me! As a new christian, i feel that I should always be smiling…. sort of. Never expressing doubt,fear or sadness in family situations.Being a witness,showing and being a difference to the ones around me.
I know the Lord knows, and I need to remember His unfailing love,that he will work these situations into something good.
It is nice to know that I am not alone and have this encouragement,thanks for sharing.
How Do i start to write a letter to God now