If you’ve been married more than six months you know that marriage isn’t always easy.
In Ephesians 5:23-33 we’re told the Christian marriage is to be a reflection of Christ and the church – a beautiful example to the world of what true sacrificial love and oneness looks like. Unfortunately, the divorce rate in the church is equal to that of the world.
Some have the benefit of their parent’s godly example of a good, strong marriage, but most don’t. There is no How to Do This Marriage Right manual handed out when we say “I Do”. Even as I write this, I realize many of you may be in messy marriages. Perhaps you feel like you’re shriveling up in a dry and barren relationship or maybe you just know things could be better on the home front.
My prayer is that you’ll have a fresh understanding that our marriages are much more about our relationship with God than they are about our relationships with our husbands.
My prayer for those of you who are hurting and on the edge is that God will make a miracle out of your marriage.
I learned along time ago that I can’t fix my man – but I’m not accountable to God for him. I am, however, accountable for how I act and react in my marriage.
We may not be handed a marriage manual when we say, “I do” but we have the greatest guidebook available…the Word of God. So as we peruse through Proverbs, let’s commit to be doers of the Word and not hearers only regardless of what our husbands do or don’t do.
I promise you, sweet friend, it may not change your man (he has to work on his own issues) but it will certainly change you in the midst of your marriage and help you become the woman your marriage needs.
It’s interesting to note that Proverbs doesn’t give our men many words of wisdom about marriage. Perhaps that’s because with 1,000 women in the house, Solomon was wise enough to know that if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
But we do find two very important directives for every husband to live by:
• Love your wife well and be faithful to her (Proverbs 5:18, 6:28-29).
After all, that’s what the heart of every woman longs for – a man who will really love her ’til the end. When he really loves her, he’ll put her needs before his own; he’ll protect her and provide for her; he’ll try to understand the longings of her heart; he’ll even make those late-night trips to the store for Midol, ice cream and a movie – because when he loves her well… he loves her with his life. That’s what sacrificial love looks like.
Words of Wisdom for the Wife:
The best list of traits that should identify a Christian wife are found in the oh-so-intimidating verses of Proverbs 31:10-31.
• She’s a woman of strong character whom her husband can trust to do what is good and right for him and their family. Her man can trust her with his heart, his home and his finances (Proverbs 31:10-12).
• She’s a wise, diligent, hard-working woman who takes care of herself, her hubby and her household. She’s much too busy to be found sitting on the couch eating bonbons and watching soap operas all day (Proverbs 31:13-19,21-22,24).
• She has a servant’s heart and ministers to the poor (Proverbs 31:20).
• She is a woman of dignity who is wise with her words and, much like a boy scout, is always prepared for the unexpected (Proverbs 31:25-27).
• Like a pillar, she upholds her husband and helps him become all he can be. In the process she garners the praise of her man and their children. Her own works sing her praises, as well (Proverbs 31:23,28).
• She understands that true beauty is found in a heart that fears the Lord. Her life comes from the overflow of her relationship with God (Proverbs 31:10).
More Words for the Wife from Proverbs:
• A good wife is a priceless treasure to her husband (Proverbs 12:4, 18:22, 31:10).
• A prudent and understanding wife is from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22, 19:14).
• An irritable, quarrelsome, critical and complaining wife can make a man wish he never said, “I do” (Proverbs 21:9, 25:24, 27:15).
Being the wife your man needs will make you the wife your marriage needs – and vice versa. It isn’t always easy. It’s a day by day diligent and intentional effort of the heart. But we work on being the wife our marriage needs because our marriage is to be an overflow of our relationship with God and a picture of Christ and the church.
As you read through the words of wisdom from Proverbs, did you see any areas you need to work on as a wife? Do you have any godly counsel you can share with other wives that would help them become the women their marriage needs?
Thanks so much for these gentle reminders and exhortations, Stephanie. I know I need to be careful not to be critical and complaining. I certainly don’t want my husband to wish he could take back his “I do!”
Julie ~ Looking at the Proverbs 31 wife is certainly daunting! Sometimes I walk away feeling like I fall so short, but I try to let those standards be a catalyst to seek to be the wife my husband needs and the wife my marriage needs. We’re always such a work in progress – and of course, so are our marriages. :-)
Wow! Very well put! Thank you for this! I work on not allowing my emotions to carry me and to be calm and meek when talking with my husband about things that concern me…instead of my natural reaction which is to overwhelm with emotion and over react. Thanks for the wonderful reminder today. I will be sharing it on Facebook today.
Blessings!
Mrs Mary Joy Pershing
Hi Mrs. Mary Joy!
Thank you so much for digging with us through today’s post on marriage! AND thank you SO much for reminding us how a meek and quiet spirit and a soft answer can turn away wrath and change the tone in our homes.
And thank you SO much for sharing this on Facebook! Praying you’ll keep digging with us and sharing your heart and your wisdom in the comment section. :-)
Steph,
Thank you so much for the reminders that we have to nourish our relationship with our spouse and not take him for granted. I would like to share just a clip of a study I just sent out to some of my friends
the Title: He Has All The Answers and one of the example I gave was this:
1.)Husband and wife problems: Jesus is the Counselor For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counseller, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6
Surprise, surprise my husband and I do not have the perfect relationship and especially with his
Personality and me going thru menopause just makes for my home to be just wonderful NOT.
But I have found that during those times of misunderstandings for better lack of the word arguments.
That if I study and pray and work on my relationship with Christ things get better and solved. And when we both are studying and praying they get wonderful. For He is the Counselor.
After 21 years of marriage God allowed menopause in my life and as much I would like to control my emotions it is impossible with out Him. But also to have a Godly marriage it is impossible with out HIM. Thank you again for your time and study on this matter I need Gods guidance each and everyday and I thank Him for using you to teach what he has given to you.
Love In Christ,
Pam
Pam ~ That was awesome! You know, as I was writing that post, I kept thinking there’s SO much more I wanted to share about marriage! It’s not easy. It’s never perfect. Our husband’s can’t be our everything…only Jesus can be that to us! Our focus should be on our relationship with Christ and oru response to our husbands should glorify our God, whether our men do right or not!
Thank you so much for sharing your study with us! What a sweet reminder that when we don’t know what to do, we can always run to our Counselor!
Love ya!
Great post! Love your thoughts on Solomon and his wives, my husband would agree that it holds true with just one wife, let alone 999 more! :-) Thank you for sharing this and challenging me. The reminder that I am not accountable for him to God reminds me of Ruth Bell Graham’s saying, “My job is to love my husband, it is God’s job to make him good.”. That has gotten me through many days when I wondered what we were doing! Bright blessings, Shanyn
Shanyn (Love the way you spell your name, by the way!) ~ Thanks so much for digging through Proverbs with us and unearthing some wifely nuggets. I LOVE that quote by Ruth Bell Graham! I love a great quote so thank you so much for sharing that! I’m tucking it my heart for future reference. I know I’ll need it more than once in the days ahead. :-)
I hope you’ll join us as we walk through Proverbs and share some more!
Great post Stephanie. When my husband & I are not connecting well I try to take a step back so that I can become a little more objective. When I do I am reminded that my husband is not the enemy. Satan is the enemy! He would love nothing more than to break my Godly marriage apart. When I turn my attention to God and focus on Him & His direction for my marriage we begin to see eye to eye again.
Mary
Mary ~ Thank you so much for reminding us all that when we’re headlong in a heated “debate” with our man, that our husbands are not the enemy. So thankful God’s Word teaches us how to fight like God’s girls and walk in victory every time the enemy tries to kill, steal and destroy our marriages!
Thanks for you insights! One of the things I have purposed to do is to sit down with my husband for a few minutes when he gets home from work and look him in the eyes and ask how his day was and just listen..it usually leads to great conversation..he gets to let go of whatever might be heavy on his heart and put his day in perspective..eventually I do too
Holly ~ Thank you SO much for sharing that sweet marriage tip with all of us. Setting aside some one-on-one time to listen to our husbands can make all the difference in the world! Great advice Holly! :-)