Hurt happens
If you haven’t already experienced this today, it’s coming soon…
Somebody says something that grieves somebody else. Maybe intentionally, maybe not. Maybe it was by you, maybe it was to you. Either way, feelings are hurt or anger is stirred or withdrawal has happened.
What now? God wants you to make the first move toward healing, regardless of who made the first cut. As you tell your kids, “Kiss and make up.” Or in grown-up lingo, be a “minister of reconciliation.”
Whatever you call it, it’s your calling.
God went first
God actually started it. He made the first move first.
Before we ever dreamed of being at peace with Him, He paved the path for it (Romans 5:10; Ephesians 2:12-13). Through Christ’s death and resurrection, He reconciled us to himself (2 Corinthians 5:19).
What does “reconciled” actually mean? It’s derived from the Greek word katallasso, which comes from allasso, meaning to make different; to change; to exchange one thing for another. So when God reconciled with you, He made your relationship with Him different; it was changed. Enmity was exchanged for friendship. Death for life (Romans 11:15).
Your turn
But don’t stop between God and you. Once you’re reconciled to Him, He wants you to keep it going. Your ministry of reconciliation means you help others connect to God, and help others connect to each other (2 Corinthians 5:18).
Don’t take this ministry lightly. Even if you don’t want to do it. Even if you’re the innocent one. Even if the one who hurt you doesn’t even care. Follow God’s example to step in first. Give grace as you’ve been given.
As far as it depends on you, seek to make peace with others (Romans 12:18), in situations when you’re the perpetrator and also when you’re the victim. Settle matters quickly with the one who hurt you (Matthew 5:23-24).
But not just so you will feel better (although you usually will). There’s an even larger reason: so the other person can be reconciled to God. Is there any greater act of love than connecting someone back to God (Galatians 6:1)?
Minister today
So about that disagreement you’ve been in or seen today—will you be the first to intercede for restoration? Through you, God is calling others. Make his appeal for peace. You are an ambassador, you know. A minister of reconciliation. Glorify the Father by making a difference!
We’re talking about theology terms this month. What does “reconciliation” mean to you? Need to reconcile with anyone? Practiced the ministry of reconciliation already this week? How do you know when to give up?
this reconciliation with others depending on MY choices….hard to swallow sometimes, but when i remember what he has done for me, how can i not strive for it?
I totally agree, Kendal. It’s hardest for me to take the initiative toward peace when I feel I’m the one wronged, not the one doing the harm.
But that’s when He did it for me. So I know how good grace feels to receive! It’s now my privilege to offer it in His name to others, not dam it up with me.
Tough one today Lisa…hits me hard. I am typically a forgiver and a peacemaker. I do have one particular situation where I say “I have forgiven her” however my actions do not reflect this. I chose to completely ignore this particular person when placed in the same room together. I am not really sure what to do about it. I do not want a friendship, however I know I need to show grace. When you have been the victim, how do you forgive in action? Tough one. Thanks for the reminder of Gods forgiveness and grace and the need for reconciliation.
Yep, that’s the toughest one, Amy. :-( I’m sure God will continue guiding you on what steps to take with this person. Perhaps returning to a simple “Hello” when you see her might be next.
Reconciliation with this person may never mean a full friendship–God doesn’t ask that of us–but I’ll be praying you find ways to show grace nonetheless. Sounds like you stay in good practice with that if you are a peacemaker in general. I praise God for sisters like you!
It is so much easier to retreat, especially for us introverts. But as has been said, we need to remember that God took the first step to reconcile with us, and reconciling with another is about getting right with Him more than getting right with each other.
Retreating is my natural first response too, Barbara. Retreat and stew in my own self-pity. And anger. So thankful God didn’t do that with us!
SUCH a good post Lisa…I always used to instruct my kids…you always go and apologize even if you were the one wronged…it speaks LOUDLY of what kind of a person you are. Even if reconciliation or restoration does not occur, still….you pursued it…God honors that. What a HARD lesson for kids….but I sit here and smile, because it is still hard even when an adult. In two weeks I will have pressed before me a relationship that could use some work…and I am NOT looking forward to it…dreading it in fact…but I have been praying much about it…thanks for the urging…..:-) xoxo
It’s so easy to tell our kids to do that. :-) Much harder for us to put into practice ourselves!
I’ll join you, Julie, in praying that you get past your dread and get your reconciliation sooner rather than later.
Thanks for sharing the meaning from the original language – makes such a difference in the theology, doesn’t it. I needed this reminder to make the first move, if only to emulate God and fulfill His design on my life according to the gospel.
You’re welcome, Kirsten. I’m so thankful we have resources today that can help us sort through the original Hebrew and Greek, without having to learn it ourselves. It often makes a difference for me, too.
I was hoooked by this line of yours, “Somebody says something that grieves somebody else.”. I could relate to it by now. But I always put in my mind that maybe if they’re in my position they’ll be just the same. That maybe someday they’ll understand it. But until when? I don’t even know. I just pray. Keep on praying to God that someday, one day, EVERY thing will be okay.
Yes, one day EVERY thing will be okay. I look forward to that day! You’re doing good to keep praying until then. May we all do the same.
Dearest Lisa, Thank you. I am catching up on reading some blogs and came over and saw your post here. It maybe my calling, but I also know I am no where near doing this after being betrayed deeply. In the past I have “forgiven” quickly with words, but did not mean them in my heart, but convinced myself I had forgiven. I then did not acknowledge all the pain and grief my heart still felt. I am working on it with my husband and facing it. I am praying God forgive through me because I don’t know how.
But the other betrayal — I don’t know is even harder. I am not even willing to pray God forgive through me because I don’t know how. I am angry, hurt, and much more — through losing my job by an unfounded accusation without an investigation.
Thank you though. I do need to be Christ’s example.
Oh, sweet Katie. Your honesty always refreshes me. Moving to *wanting* to forgive can be one of the hardest parts of our journeys, perhaps even harder than actually forgiving.
Twenty-three years ago I had the deepest betrayal thus far in my life. It took me a long time to work through the process of forgiveness. It was not a straight path. I rode a roller coaster from feeling that I had actually forgiven to landing back at ground zero, not even wanting to forgive. Even now I can backtrack over this same issue, but by the grace of God, not as frequently or as severely.
I know it can be discouraging. So I will pray for you to continue walking with Jesus one day at a time, acknowledging what you feel to him, and allowing him to gently lead you into the transformation you and he desire for you.
I trust he will eventually get you to the place where you do want to forgive, and he will show you how to do it when you get there. In the meantime, remember that His grace isn’t contingent upon your *success* or *failure* in this; just keep abiding in Him; the rest will follow. My prayers are with you, friend. Love you.