Maybe your child is about to graduate. Or already away at college or on their own.
Or maybe you just want to get ready now for what’s to come later.
“Let the children come” (Matthew 19:14) isn’t just for your little ones. Help your children of all ages continue coming to the Lord.
How can you assist their transition from pizza party youth groups to an authentic working faith of their own?
Not by old strategies. What worked at nine won’t work when they’re nineteen. You no longer choose their bedtime Bible stories. You can’t drag them to Sunday school each week. No more gold stars for Bible chapters read.
So what can you do to help your older children stay in the Word?
HERE ARE 8 GUIDELINES:
1. Emphasize the Living Word (John 1:1)
Remember the goal isn’t to keep your child in the Bible; it’s for your child to abide in Jesus. Your kids may know the stories about Him; now help them discover how they fit into His story. Talk with them about how God is working in them and their circumstances. Bridge the written words in the Bible to the Living Word in their lives.
2. Invite them deeper into your world
When they’re home for a weekend, invite them to go with you to your adult spiritual gatherings. Suggest more mature Christians books for them to read. Share new things you are learning in scripture and get their opinions on it.
3. Go with them into their world
If they have their own church home, visit with them when invited. Look for positives there, withholding criticisms on non-essential differences. If they’re experimenting with gatherings different than your own or drawing opposing conclusions, discuss your views honestly, but don’t argue or dictate what they should believe.
4. Give them growing room
But what if they’ve left behind all things spiritual? Practice grace. Don’t show shock or fear if they open up to you about their doubts or new worldviews. You’re in relationship for the long haul—keep the communication lines open. Pray, influence when you can, and show them unconditional love (even if that means tough love for a season). Remain hopeful in the God who can transform.
5. Let them teach you
This can be a time of growth for you, too. Show excitement as they share what they’re learning, and incorporate that into your own spiritual walk. Be open about your doubts and be willing to change your beliefs if you’re wrong. Allow them to question your traditions, mindful to keep the dialogue respectful in both directions.
6. Keep up on current events
Stay abreast of hot issues relevant to your children and their friends, such as gay marriage, immigration reform, abortion. Pay attention to what interests them and others in their peer group. Equip yourself for godly and intelligent conversations about cultural changes.
7. Be their encourager
Don’t nag. Don’t lay guilt trips. Don’t transfer your anxieties onto them. Instead, remind them of God’s promises from His Word and offer prayers of encouragement. Send scriptures of hope in a card or a text. Point out how you see God as present and active in whatever they’re going through.
8. Release them (again) to God
Even if you gave them to God when they were tiny, you’ll find that you again want to hold tightly after they leave your nest. But remember God has more power, wisdom, and love to guide them in His steps than you do. Trust in His grace, not your parenting. He’ll be glorified when you depend more on Him than your own schemes of child protection.
BENEFITS
As your children grow and struggle and eventually make their faith their own (we all pray!), your faith will continue to grow as well. Lean harder than ever on the God of grace. And as you get closer to Him, you’ll learn more how to love your child even better in this next phase of life.
What a great reward to have your son or daughter become a very special brother or sister in Christ, a true soul friend!
Please also read Teri Lynne’s 5 Guidelines for Helping Your Teenager Abide in the Word.
What advice would you give parents of college-age children? What’s a struggle you’re having or anticipating for that age? What helped (or hindered!) your faith after you turned 18? Please leave us your thoughts below.
Now … I am so glad! This is a very useful post for me. I have three older and three younger children. These tips, I am grateful for them. This means a lot to me and I’m going to talk tonight with my husband about the tips. It gives me hope.
I’ll be praying that you and your husband have a beneficial talk tonight. Please feel free to share with us your experiences–with six kids (and especially three older), these roads are familiar to you. We’re all learning together! May the Lord bless and keep your family. So glad you stopped by and received the gift of hope while you were here.
Great, relevant tips, Lisa! I appreciate this post, too. Even if I might be saving these tips for later with my own children, these tips are useful for interacting with some of my peers, too.
I remember the folks who showed Christ’s love the most to me as a teen were those who acting on the words they also spoke and who weren’t perfect, but saw and shared joy and love anyway. It’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? :-)
Yes, Caroline, regardless of whether or not we have kids at this age, we know others who do. And often those almost-grown kids are OUR friends, too.
I appreciate you sharing from your own teen years. It helps us as moms of teens to hear those kinds of stories and remember that perfection isn’t what others need from us, but the love of the Lord, in us and coming out of us. I so agree with you–it is a beautiful thing!
I’m “right here” Lisa. Our oldest graduates in 2 days and heads off to college and life on her own. Thanks so much for these excellent reminders. I will pass them on!
I feel you, Julie. Although it’s been a few years since my oldest graduated and left home, my youngest left only last fall for college, so I’m still very much in the thick of this season. It isn’t always easy, but there are some sweet rewards even in the midst of it.
I’ll be praying for you this weekend as you go through the ceremonial letting go, and I’ll look forward to what God is going to do through you in this next phase with your oldest child. Good things are ahead!
My youngest of seven is graduating on the 6th of June. Your words are priceless right now as I remember all God has done in her and is doing in her. Your words are wisdom I want to carry in my heart and I hope I remember them when I need them. Thanks so much for sharing!
“has done and is doing” – That’s a great perspective to have, Lori. Congratulations on reaching this milestone!
Good post and reminder, Lisa. I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut a bit more than when the girls were younger. When they’re home, I pray specifically for them in their walk with our Father. It’s not an act; it is the same prayer I pray for them daily, I just think it’s good for them to hear my desires for them without me preaching to them…
I wish I had learned when I was younger to say even less. But some things you have to just learn the hard way with experience and consequences, right?
It’s a beautiful practice you have to pray for your daughters instead of preach to them. That’s a positive memory they’ll treasure, long after the specific words have been forgotten. A beautiful legacy.
Great advice, Lisa. One of mine has walked away from much of what he has been taught, though I don’t think he has jettisoned a core belief in Christ. Thankfully he has always been open to honest discussion, so we can talk about some issues without being pushy or preachy, and he listens and even understands, but still politely rejects them. I cling to Philippians 1:6: “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
Another thought came to mind: when the Lord brings him back, which I fully hope and pray He will do, hopefully he’ll come out of it stronger and able to be a help to others who have struggled with the same doubts he has.
I know you will continue to be faithful in praying for your son and clinging to Phil 1:6 for him; what an apt verse. I’ve heard many testimonies about people who have strayed and then come back to the Lord to tell about how their mother or grandmother’s prayers were so instrumental in their return. Your son is blessed that you are his mother, Barbara.
I love your second thought as well. Your son will have a strong testimony someday to help others (children and parents alike) because he’ll be able to relate. Praying with you for that to happen sooner rather than later.
Great post, Lisa! Thanks for all the wisdom!
Wish I could sit down with you and pick your brain for tons more wisdom! I know you’ve had lots of life experiences that I could benefit from.
I love this. Been-there done-that moms might laugh at me for saying this, but I’m kind of excited about the teen years. I have worked with youth before (I know it’s nothing like raising your own teens), so I know that there are many challenges, I look forward to growing with them and learning with them through those years… Thankful for those who have walked the path and share with us moms with younger children what is up ahead in our parenting journey.
Love your attitude. It IS an exciting time of growth and it can be very fun at times, too. It’s a pleasure to be able to relate in more mature ways and on more levels as your kids age. I’m glad you’re looking forward to it because it’s coming, ready or not. :-)