Growing Together: Cultivating Relationships in Women’s Bible Studies

On the second Thursday of almost every month we flutter in, a flock of motley mama birds, feathers all akimbo.

Some sling baby carriers, others treats to share. All carry Bibles.

We are weary mamas, worn with the endless joys of growing with little people, and we circle our wagons once a month to love each other and sit at Jesus’ feet.

You have chosen your Bible study, have a stack of tools, and you have decided on the main point of focus for your discussion. You have this Bible study thing under control! But wait… the people… how will you manage the people?

We call them Bible studies because, obviously, the primary focus is studying the Bible! But a crucial aspect of facilitating a successful Bible study group is creating an environment where people can be loved and grow in the Word.

Just because you know the Bible inside and out doesn’t mean leading a group will come intuitively. In my 20+ years of hosting Bible studies I have found that people learn better when they are comfortable, and grow best in safe spaces.

How can you make your group a place where everyone feels welcome and important? How can you cultivate a group culture that encourages vulnerability and real growth?

CREATE A WARM ENVIRONMENT

More walks in with us than what is in our hands. Burdens that are too heavy to be borne alone. Disappointments that crush. Loss too great to fathom. Fear for the future.

But first we smile and hug and chit chat.

“How ARE you?”
“Oh that looks delicious!”
“How’s your husband feeling?”

We visit and fill plates and pour tea, then we sit.

Your group should feel welcoming and inviting. Setting the stage with both the physical space, and with your demeanor, will go a long way to accomplishing that.

The Physical Environment

• Choose a place to meet that has plenty of space for everyone to comfortably sit.
• Provide (or ask others to bring) snacks and drinks – people feel more comfortable with something in their hands, and getting a drink gives people something to do if they feel socially awkward.
• Make sure the room isn’t too cold or too hot – it’s hard to to think about theology when you can’t stop thinking about how physically uncomfortable you are!
• Provide extra Bibles, paper, pens for those who might have forgotten or not have them.

The Emotional Environment

• Your group should be a place where everyone feels free to be themselves.
• Be sure to greet each person as they arrive and check up on things you know have been going on in their lives.
• Give extra attention to visitors or new members. Ask seasoned members to help with this because you may have to be drawn away to interact with others.
• Set aside time specifically for fellowship: I have found that it works well to have the first half hour be specifically for reconnecting, informal chatting, getting a plate of food, cup of tea, etc. This is also allows a little buffer time for people who tend to be late.
• Fellowship time is a particularly important time for connecting with shy group members or those who tend not to speak during the actual study.

CONNECTING DURING THE STUDY

Why it is I don’t know, but it always seems the first five sitting minutes are strained. Like we are finding each other’s hearts again after a month away from this safe space. We talk about the book we have been reading while apart, we turn pages of our Bibles and read God’s Word. We think about true things.

As we settle deeper into our chairs, we settle deeper into ourselves. Questions are asked and hard answers are given. Answers that squeak out thinly, answers laced with self-reproach. Conviction is a commodity at our monthly Bible study.

But condemnation? Condemnation doesn’t cross the threshold. Grace abounds… it sings with these ladies.

You have had time to reconnect, and now it is time to sit down and dig into the Word! Some groups naturally click during a discussion, and other times conversation can be stilted and uncomfortable.

Here are some tips to keep things flowing smoothly during your study:

• Make your group confidentiality policy clear at the beginning. I strongly recommend you maintain a very strict policy that what is shared in the group may not be discussed (without permission) with others who were not present.
• Don’t be afraid of silence. When you ask a question and no one answers, wait just a little longer than feels naturally comfortable. Some questions are theologically difficult, others are personally challenging. You might be surprised by the opening your waiting gives someone to take the leap and be vulnerable.
• Pay attention to how much YOU talk. It is great to share your thoughts, but is this a Bible study or a class? If you are facilitating a discussion, you should not be doing the lion’s share of the talking.
• Don’t force anyone to share. Give everyone the freedom to just listen if that’s what they need. Respect individual personalities.
• Have a plan for how to handle overly talkative members. Your group should be a place where everyone (including Chatty Cathy) feels free to share her perspective, but part of your job is to keep the discussion moving and give everyone a chance to participate. One strategy that works well is to look for a tiny pause in her narrative and ask another member a direct question related to her topic (choose someone you know won’t be made uncomfortable by being asked by name). This keeps things moving but redirects without being rude.
• I always include a time for prayer requests and prayer at the end of the groups I lead. This is a time when people can really share their hearts, and often the richest hour of our time together.

We round out the second hour of sitting, and (if I am minding the clock) we change to prayer posture. Slowly we work around the room, each sharing her deep needs, some sharing many. It often takes an hour, sometimes more.

The sharing is interspersed with helping. One mama needs prayer for a child struggling with math, another has experienced the same problem and gives advice. The circled wagons are so tight now, we each strain toward the speaker as if our leaning in can buoy her up.

Grief incomprehensible is voiced, impossible mountains revealed, answered prayers shared. We mourn together. We rejoice together.

As the circle of sharing closes upon itself we bow heads and kneel hearts. Earnestly we offer each need. Sometimes words fail, but we know that the Spirit Himself intercedes with groanings too deep for words.

STAYING CONNECTED

Try to keep in touch with your group members during the time period between meetings. This isn’t always possible, but it is worth making the effort to try some of these ideas:

• Set up an email group, text group, or Facebook group so you can communicate with each other.
• Send out a contact list of everyone in the group. It is fun to include birthdays on the list!
• Email or text individual members who are going through difficult times to check on them between meetings.
• Plan to meet for dinner as a group, just a social gathering, at least once a year.
• Occasionally make your regular gathering be a party – December is a nice time to have a Christmas party, for example.
• Plan a getaway or retreat together.
• Take care of each other in hard or stressful times: set up a meal calendar when a member has a baby, or a death in the family; arrange work days if someone has a physical need.

Making the effort to develop relationships within your group will have an impact for a lifetime. Not only will your group members feel free to learn and grow in your group, they will make friendships that will last.

After the amens gently whisper into the quiet living room, eyes are wiped and plates gathered. The clanking and rustle bring us back to earth and the music of voices gradually grows again.

Some stand at the sink splashing soapy water, others package food. Awake-past-bedtime babies are passed around while counters are wiped gleaming.

We laugh as we gather up books and bags, and lean into each other to hug goodbyes.

And into the dark we walk to our cars to drive home, girded with renewed hope.

I wrote the vignettes above as a single piece five years ago, one late night after hosting a dear group of women for a Bible study. As a group we have walked together through job loss, pregnancy, miscarriage, special needs children, death, marital problems, rebellious teenagers, and even fire. Our evenings together became a beacon of light in the fog of the daily.

The time you take to nurture your group and the women in it creates ripples in eternity. Women who spend time in God’s Word are women who change. And changed women change the world for Christ!

What a privilege to be able to offer a safe place—in a sometimes dark world—where love and hope are spoken and grounded in Truth. If God calls you to this privilege, know that He will equip you for it.