For the record, this is the hardest post I’ve ever written. Seriously. I’ve been blogging for about six years and I’ve probably around 1000 posts. But this one has found me wanting to know more, offer more, be more … keenly aware of my extraordinary lack.
We’re writing this month on training our children to abide in the Word. It’s a desperately important topic and one I am passionate about. The thing is, we’ve reached this point in our parenting journey with our daughter where the responsibility in this area is becoming less mine and more hers. And, if I can be brutally honest: I am terrified!
Most days guilt and fear and insecurities roll around my head. All I can see is where I have failed, where I haven’t done enough. A few weeks ago, I was on the phone with a dear friend and wise mentor. I shared how disconnected my girl seemed when we were having our family devotions. I shared all my fears about not doing enough when she was little, not expecting enough from her, not focusing enough, not teaching enough.
Kate listened and then she spoke some simple truths into my heart. Here’s the gist of her gracious wisdom,
“Your daughter is a world changer. She has seen you love the Lord and serve Him. She has watched you faithfully read the Word and pray. You have taught her well. And you have to let her find her way. Continue to guide her, continue to teach her. But trust the Lord to work in her. His plan for her life is way better than yours.”
Can I just say how much Kate ministered to me that day on the phone? How much she poured grace over me and encouraged my frightened heart?
I’m not an expert in raising a child who will never stray from abiding in the Word. But I would like to share a few words of encouragement for all you moms out there of tweens and teens, all you Word-lovers who are praying your children find that same passion.
- Keep the priority on your personal relationship with the Lord. It’s so easy to get distracted by trying to do the “right” things with and for our kids in this area. But the best way we teach them to abide in the Word is by faithfully doing it ourselves. Every morning my daughter sees both me and my husband reading our Bibles. That example is the most powerful gift we give our kids.
- Provide your child with the right tools. Make sure your child has a Bible he can understand. Find devotional or Bible study resources that fit with his personality. Just because you like an in-depth study of a book of the Bible, doesn’t mean he will. Help him find the resources and tools he will use.
- Don’t expect your child to be you. During this season of life, our children are (rightly!) beginning to explore their own ideas and ways of doing things. This natural exploration and growth of independence during adolescence will also affect their personal devotion time. Your child may decide to have her devotions at night even though you’ve always trained her to do them in the morning. She may find another trusted adult to answer her questions. She may build her own accountability group. It’s okay!
- Keep asking questions and being available. Don’t push yourself onto your child. But don’t be afraid to ask if he has read his Bible that day. Ask what he’s learning and where he’s struggling. Tell him you are praying for him and ask if there is anything specific he would like you to remember.
- Pray for your child. Never, ever stop praying and claiming Scripture on behalf of your child. My friend Brooke writes out prayers for her boys every year using Scripture as a guide. I love this idea and have done it myself several years.
These years are not always easy. It’s hard to let go of the control we’ve had in our children’s lives. But the teenage years can be a wonderful experience and I have to admit, I LOVE it when my daughter comes to me to share what she’s read or learned all on her own.
Good tips, Teri Lynne. I think #3 will be challenging for me when my kids get to that age. Maybe if I keep reminding myself now, I’ll get it into my head by the time they’re teens. :-)
It is hard for me, Caroline. My daughter is, in many ways, my exact opposite. So sitting with a journal and Bible and studying is not her thing. We’re still working hard to find her “groove” … and realizing that as she gets older that will continue to change and evolve.
Teri Lynne, such wise advice and great encouragement! Thank you!
Thank you, Kathy!
What a terrific post! Though my are grown and raising their own children, there are still times when the Holy Spirit prompts me to ask them if they’re in God’s word. As a SS teacher to youth girls I know how much their parents would appreciate reading this….I will definitely be sharing! Thanks!! :)
Thank you, Denise … for your kind words and for investing in the lives of students!
I only hope that I set a Godly example for my future kids that looks anything close to the one you and Scott set for us. I’m thankful and blessed to have you in my life. And so so lucky that you’re writing all over the internet and I still have such insight into where your heart is, even 6 hours away and quite a few years out of my teens. :) Your not-so-little girl is such a joy. She will find her groove, I have no doubt. Thank you, as always, for your words of encouragement and guidance. And thank you for sharing your heart day after day. I miss you much.
Judy, watching you grow up and having had the gift of being a part of your life and now calling you a true friend – what a blessing! I’m all in tears now but ever so thankful to have been connected with you and Jason and Adrianne and Caitlin and Zach and all the rest of you amazing kids-now-all-grown-up. If my girl ends up anything like you, I’ll count myself a success!! :) I miss you too.
Such wise words. As you know, I’m only 3 months into parenting a teenager too. But I feel the shift. As they begin to process and think more on their own, it can be scary to know how to navigate. But, I’m clinging to the truth that God’s word does not return empty! Even if ‘how’ and ‘when’ we are taking in scripture is changing, He is not. Glad to be on this journey with you. Keep writing so I’ll know what to do next. ;)
“I’m clinging to the truth that God’s Word does not return empty!” THIS! YES!! And, oh my friend, I’m so glad to have your words in my ears and your friendship in my heart. What a gift you are.
I too am terrified right now and working on trusting the Lord. My daughter is choosing a friend (who wants to date her, she is only 15) that we have concerns about. We don’t know him well but his Youtube videos we found last night are exactly the kind of boy we would not want her to know. She is confused, we have taught her to love people, share God with them. She now seems to think we are slightly hypocritical for trying to prevent that relationship,thinking “How will he grow with God with no influence”? I will write out some promises and follow these tips. Thank you
Oh Christa! I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you. I will be praying for you as you seek to guide your daughter and help her understand how important it is for her to choose her closest circle wisely.
Thank you for these tips. I needed this reminder today. We have a 17 year old son and I do pray for him. These will help me be more accountable. Be blessed!