Is there a place in the faith community for singles? More than half of homes with children in my city are headed by a single parent. The number of adults who are unmarried, divorced, or widowed continues to rise in the United States, but much of church community life focuses on married people. Recently, a godly single friend of mine admitted that she often feels “invisible.” If God sees the life of each individual, married or single, why doesn’t the Church?
With industrialization came assembly line concepts that grouped like pieces for the purpose of efficiency. God didn’t intend for the community life of believers to be so segregated. Instead, His word describes a Body life where a variety of ages and marital statuses blend for greater strength, understanding, and impact. Singles want and need to be in community with married friends, and the whole Church is better when our single friends are part of it.
“For the body does not consist of one member but of many… But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose… If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body… If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it” (from 1 Corinthians 12:4-27).
A “single” member here doesn’t refer to marital status, but to one individual. As each one experiences God’s grace individually, we each have reason to look around us and help every other member be seen, included, valued, and loved. “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).
Many unmarried community members are suffering today, because they long to be in a mixed status, loving community, but they feel invisible. The Body needs the value they bring, and we miss out when they’re absent … or just invisible. If one suffers, the whole Body suffers.
A godly single friend of mine is a treasure in our community, and I asked her to share: What can a married woman do to be a good friend to a single woman?
How to love single women in your community
- Respect the single woman and treat her as an equal.
- Be interested in your single friend’s life.
- Be sensitive to her desire for marriage and accept her for who she is.
- Encourage her to serve the Lord with her whole heart in the situation God has placed her in.
- Be sensitive to the single woman’s comfort level around children.
- Offer to help (don’t wait to be asked). Let her have the joy of helping you.
- Pray for and with the single woman.
A “single” (marital status) person doesn’t want or need to be a “single” (only one/alone) person in the community of believers. Let’s see those who are unmarried and help them feel like part of the “one body” of God’s bigger family.
Read more about Married Friends for Singles and Why some married people make good single friends.
Great topic today! Never really thought about it from the aspect of being a single person standing alone from the community. This is good encouragement to reach out to those who are “separating” themselves or who are genuinely “single”. Thank you.
It’s one of those “walk in mile in their shoes” or “love your neighbor” things. Sometimes it’s amazing how everything just goes back to a few simple things.
I’m thankful for these tips your friend shared, Julie!
Community *is* better when we’re all a part of it as God created us to be, isn’t it?
Absolutely, and our single sisters bring so much to the community of faith that we miss out on if they aren’t included. I pray that we will have sensitive hearts so that we don’t ever create a barrier that makes our single friends feel invisible or not needed.
This is a much-needed topic that needs to be brought to the forefront often, Julie. Some of my most spiritually-minded sisters are single. Marital status should never be an issue for being loved and feeling useful in the Kingdom.Great post!
So true, Lisa. Sometimes “status” can even be a tool for the Kingdom. I see that so clearly lived out by some of my single sisters. I love they way they are part of the family of God and want them to feel like part of that family.
Thanks for bringing attention to this topic. I am married now, but spent many years in the church as a single person. Some days, I would leave church and feel so sad and alone because I felt like most things were for families. Families were leaving together and I was getting in my car by myself. If I could add one more suggestion- ask a single to lunch after church. That way they will not have to leave alone. Just a thought.
You are wise and kind to remember, Rebekah. I’ve received other comments about how hurtful it is for singles when friends get married and “forget.” Church really does tend to cater to families, and we need to make singles part of those families. Great suggestion to take a single friend home or out with us for lunch!
These tips are great. I would just add one more to the tip about being sensitive to a single friend’s desire to be married. Sometimes the single is in the season where marriage isn’t even on the radar or an option and it’s not something they want at that time. It’s great if people are also be sensitive to that.
Well said, Tammie. That was a comment shared by one of my single friends over at the one of the links at the bottom of the post. She echoed your wise words to be thoughtful about the fact that your friend may be very content in her singleness and not seeking marriage. That means we have to listen and know our friends well enough to hear their hearts on that. Thanks for sharing!