Instead of excitement and anticipation for my fourth son’s infant dedication this past Sunday, I felt fear and dread. Why would a wonderful moment in front of friends, family & our church body cause me to break out into a cold sweat?
It’s simple. I’ve dedicated three boys before. Two years ago, I teetered on unfamiliar heels, juggling my 11-month-old son, as my 2-year-old lifted the skirt of my dress (and the skirt of the mom standing next to me). The 2-year-old quickly lost interest standing next to me. While distracted by my 4-year-old picking (and eating from) his nose, I looked up to see the 2-year-old army crawling across the stage, lying down and then dangling his head off the end of the stage.
Everyone thought the antics were hilarious and “cute”. But my neck reddened and heart raced. Instead of basking in the moment of prayer for my precious son, I couldn’t wait for the pastor to say “Amen”.
The reason (besides the obvious), for my humiliation was a desire to look like a good mom. A good mom doesn’t have out-of-control children. And if you think I’m a good mom, then I have earned your approval. Ultimately, the motivation behind how I spend my energy, time and resources is to win your admiration.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
Pleasing Man or God?
People pleasing has been my idol, the other god.
“Choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your fathers served in the region beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 24:15
So often I neglect serving the Lord, because I am distracted trying to get others to tell me how great I am. It doesn’t make sense. People disappoint. A compliment from the most important person in the world pales in comparison to God’s love and affection for me.
Concerned with appearance or heart?
“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
Interestingly, our son, who was dedicated, has the middle name, “David”. God directed Samuel to choose David as the next King of Israel based on his heart, not his appearance. I am reminded the position of my heart matters more than the perfect wardrobe selections, updated haircuts, or well-behaved boys.
Fear of man or Faith in the Lord?
Even though I know people disappoint AND their opinion of my appearance does not matter, I still fear the judgments of others (fear of rejection).
“The fear of man lays a snare,
but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” Proverbs 29:25
“The Lord is on my side; I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
The Lord is on my side as my helper;
I shall look in triumph on those who hate me.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord
than to trust in man.” Psalm 118:5-9
The fear of man is wasted energy. If God is for me, then who could stand against me? God is stronger than the most powerful, influential person on earth. His opinion is the only one that matters.
Most importantly, I don’t want my desire to please others to negatively impact my faith. I don’t want to be like the men in John 12. These men believed Jesus to be the Son of God. However, they did not confess their belief, because of a desire to please people.
“Nevertheless, many even of the authorities believed in him, but for fear of the Pharisees they did not confess it, so that they would not be put out of the synagogue; for they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.” John 12:42-43
Do you struggle with wanting the approval of others? Click here to share what Scripture helps you stay focused on God’s opinion of you.
Here is a better picture of our family this past Sunday:
What a wonderful post. I share the struggle to not worry over what people think because of my desire to please, be liked, etc. But God has shown me this is pride.
One verse I love is Psalms 115:1 “Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.”
Also, consider what we are missing if we focus on people and not God: John 12:42 tells us many leaders believed Jesus, but because of their fear of the Pharisees (and not wanting to be ostracized) they would not confess their faith.
oh you nailed it right on the head Jeanette! Over a year ago God revealed the state of pride in my heart…the self-centered approach to life. That’s when I started God-centered mom. Out of a desire to daily replace “me” with “He” in the center of my life. Love that Ps 115:1 verse, thank you for sharing!
You have a beautiful family, Heather. Thanks for these words. Yes, I struggle with this. Every single day. Thank you for the reminder..I’m so glad I had a spare minute to read this post today…especially this. Yes to this:
“I don’t want to be like the men in John 12. These men believed Jesus to be the Son of God. However, they did not confess their belief, because of a desire to please people.”
Thank you Sarah, I am very blessed, even when those cute boys are picking their noses in front of church. ;) Thank you also for sharing your struggle here. May we spur each other on to be bold with our faith and unconcerned with others may think.
I have struggled with this for years. Thanks for giving me Galatians 1:10. I’m pretty sure God gave you this blog article just for me. Today. Oh, and the family picture? They’re both beautiful, but I like the first one the best! Praying God sends extra blessings to you today.
I’m so very thankful God used what He’s teaching me to help you as well. Thank you for your kind words about the pictures. The really funny ones happened at home before we headed to church. My new standard for a “good” picture is everyone is in the picture…that’s it. Capturing life. thank you for your prayers!
Just came across your blog.. thank you!! I loved reading it. Although all my children are grown up and I have 3 grandchildren.. I so related to the latest post.. Thank you!
Thank you Jeanne for your encouragement. God Bless!
Thank you for your honest words. I have three children ( daughter married, son in college and daughter in high school) No matter what their ages, over the years I have struggled and still struggle with the ” what will people think” if my child does __________( fill in the blank). My son’s middle name is also David. He actually flunked out of his first year of college.. boy was that a time I had a real struggle with ” what will people think of me”? His middle name is also David, so I really appreciate your comment on David being chosen for his heart. I have to remind myself that not only does it matter more what is in my heart, but what is also in my children’s hearts- no matter what their ages are. they may not always be “successful” in the eyes of the world, but they are still loved in the eyes of God.
Thank you Terri for sharing your own struggle…no matter what their ages. I love your last statement: “not always successful in the eyes of the world, but they are still loved in the eyes of God.” What a “coincidence” (of course, not to God) that your son’s middle name is also David! Love how God is in the details!
Thank you for your transparency. I too struggle this. The Holy Spirit led me to Isaiah 2:22: “Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?”. This verse reminds me where my focus should be. I pray for our eyes to be ever focused on Jesus.
Oh Nicky, that is a GREAT one for this topic. Thank you for sharing.
Woo-hoo! I’m so blessed to have read your post today. As always, God shares a much needed word with me when I need it. I often think about the verse that speaks on how I am wonderfully and fearfully made. This reminds me of my special and unique nature to the Father. How your post spoke to me is I just returned yesterday from a week vacation with family in which my one son who is 6, how might I say, was out of control. A few times I thought to myself, oh boy they are going to think I have no control or discipline of my son. I was worried in those few times of what others thought of me as a mom. So the verses you share really remind me to not go to that place where I am worried what others think. Rather rest in knowing that God knows my heart as a mom and He is working a good thing in both me and my sons.
Oh can I relate to what you described! I definitely begin to second guess myself when I spend time around family. Worrying if they are judging my parenting skills. Love what you said, “He is working a good thing in both me & my sons”…something others can’t see. AND He’s not finished with me yet! (or my boys!).
Oh to always live for an audience of One! “People disappoint. A compliment from the most important person in the world pales in comparison to God’s love and affection for me.” Yes and yes and yes! People pleasing is an area of struggle for me in general, but I think most mothers struggle with it in one way or another because all those children we love? They are sinners! And they even sin in public! ;-) Ah, I could go on and on about other parts of this post too, but simply put: thank you.
Thanks Patti for your encouragement and for totally understanding my thoughts. (hugs)
Thank you so much for this inspiring post. I often remind myself ‘if The Lord is for me, who can be against me’. Even though my children are all grown up, their actions I’m sure are still judged ‘how did his mother bring him up, for him to act like that’?
I’ve confessed and asked forgiveness for judging our garden cottage tenant, a single mother, of a 7yr old boy who has ADD and seemed totally out of control. I now pray for her daily. It’s not easy for her.
Thank you for those challenging words! The Lord gave me Jeremiah 17:5-8 as a startling word picture to remind me of the difference between trusting in man or trusting in God. Another one is John 5:44, a sobering reminder that seeking honor from people actually hinders faith! …Blessings!
I live this too, so thank you for sharing your heart and the words of wisdom. I’m going to save it to re-read again when I need it!
Heather, I blog a bit about people pleasing. I am thankful to have visited here to see your post today. My favorite verses on people pleasing are Psalm 62, the whole psalm, but especially verse 7 because it reiterates that God gives me honor. Sometimes, when wanting to please others I will mix it up and think that I can receive honor or worth from pleasing men, but my honor is from God, and then of course, Galatians 1:10.