David Brainerd intrigued me from the get go.

I learned about this young missionary from the 1700’s around ten years ago, while I was doing some research for a Bible study I was writing. I discovered that he suffered greatly from depression and physical illness, yet he continued in faithful service to the Lord, blazing trails as he took the gospel to the lost. 

Knowing of his intense suffering, specifically with a mental health struggle common to modern times, made me view him as ultra-relatable.

God Can…

I’ve read about missionaries who had adventures in the jungles and encounters with people who welcomed them lovingly. I’d also heard about spiritual oppression that ended with a powerful testimony to God’s victory. (…You know, the types of stories that make little kids want to go out and be missionaries, too!)

These stories are exciting and powerful — and I’m so thankful for them and for God’s mighty activity of spreading the gospel. But they aren’t the only type of missionary stories that exist.

David Brainerd’s story, on the other hand, is the type that makes my heart weep with compassion, sympathy, and empathy.

God can use anyone. He can use someone who suffers intensely from mental health struggles. He can use someone with physical illness (or multiple physical illnesses.) Not only can He, but He does!

Praise God! When we hand our lives to Him, for His purposes, He will use us. And sometimes that means that we serve exactly how we are, and right where we are.

For reasons I could never guess, God didn’t heal Brainerd. He used him in spite of his mental and physical health. And Brainerd? He just kept plodding along faithfully. He pursued the Savior and shared Him with others, blazing trails (both figuratively and literally) all while obeying God’s call on His life.

His Story

So just who is this man of whom John Wesley said, “Let every preacher read carefully The Life of David Brainerd.” (Referencing a book about him.)

David Brainerd lived in Connecticut in the early 1700’s. He heard “God’s call” as a young man and so he went to Yale in order to receive the credentials that were necessary at the time to become a minister. All the while he attended school, he was very ill with a disease (likely tuberculosis).

Just two short years into his education, he criticized both his tutor for a lack of grace and the Rector for administering fines to “over-zealous” students. The result? Yale expelled him. 

This crushed Brianerd! At this time and place in history, he couldn’t preach without a degree. But he didn’t allow this to stop him from obeying God’s call on his life. David continued on, remaining faithful in obedience and devout in prayer. He continued to look for an avenue in which He could obey the Lord’s call to service.

“Here I am, Lord, send me; send me to the ends of the earth; send me to the rough, the savage pagans of the wilderness; send me from all that is called comfort on earth; send me even to death itself, if it be but in thy service, and to promote thy kingdom.” – A prayer from David Brainerd

What a lesson for us! When God calls, we should obey – despite the obstacles.

David Brainerd decided to pursue missions, where he would not need a degree. Interestingly, the Honorable Society of Scotland hired the American man from Connecticut and ordained him to be a missionary. 

His health was such a factor, they hired him to stay put. He stayed in the northeast and became a missionary to the American Indians right there in that region. He worked tirelessly, traveling by horseback during the day, camping at night, and sharing the gospel everywhere he went.

God answered his prayer. 

Once, while traveling for missions, he was caught in a horrible storm. He plodded along in the cold wind and rain, having no food and no shelter. He would likely have died, except that God provided a hollow tree and later, food– by means of a little squirrel who dropped nuts at the tree’s entrance. 

It’s absolutely incredible isn’t it? God’s faithfulness is so beautiful!

Jonathan Edwards, the famed preacher of the Great Awakening, took an interest in David Brainerd and invited him into his home many times, especially in his final months. As he became more and more ill, probably as a result of his tireless service, he resided there. 

Edward’s 17 year old daughter, Jerusha, was very touched by Brainerd’s love for God and passion to follow Him. It is reported that the two fell in love. She became Brainerd’s caretaker until he died at just 29 years old. (Jerusha herself became ill, possibly from caring for David, and died just four months later. Her father had her buried beside him.)

Serving While Suffering

Look at this excerpt from his diary:

“Thursday, April 7. Appeared to myself exceeding (sic) ignorant, weak, helpless, unworthy, and altogether unequal to my work. It seemed to me I should never do any service or have any success among the Indians. My soul was weary of my life; I longed for deaths beyond measure. When I thought of any godly soul departed, my soul was ready to envy him his privilege, thinking, `Oh, when will my turn come! must it be years first!’” (David Brainerd)

When I imagine Brainerd, depressed, sick, and weary, plodding along in the cold wind and rain with no food or shelter in sight, I think of “serving, while suffering.”

His story seems so relatable, doesn’t it? 

That could be any of us, plodding along in service, despite how we feel. That could be you, wanting desperately to follow God’s call but seeing every obstacle pop up right in front of you, time and again. It could be her who wanted the education, but couldn’t get it. …Or me, feeling unworthy and unequal to my work.

It could be any of us, not understanding why God doesn’t heal, and then longing for death.

Friends, life is hard and sometimes ugly, but God can use us despite all that.

Obedience At All Costs

Brainerd’s story reminds me to obey, no matter what, and let God’s work be done. I’m not sure of all the souls that came to know Jesus because of Brainerd, but his work was considered by many to be successful. Yet, his story doesn’t have what most would call a “happy ending,” which maybe gives a lasting impression of his intense daily battle with depression and illness. 

Though I would love to paint a beautiful and happy ending onto the story of his life, I think doing so would miss the point. Brainerd’s life was a portrait of obedience at all costs. 

And that, my friends, is what serving Jesus is all about. It’s about going all in. It’s about submitting your whole life and will to His Lordship. (And yes, I know that’s easier said than done.)

May the Savior use us all… and help us to serve Him wholeheartedly. In spite of any suffering we may experience, may we be found serving while suffering. May we blaze trails and share Jesus — even if God calls us to share Him exactly how we are and right where we are.

I leave you with this passage from 2 Corinthians that comes to mind when I think of David Brainerd:

“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

Read more about David Brainerd here, in this biography written by Jonathan Edwards.

Blessings and prayers for faithful service to the Lord,
Ali